ODES TO MITCH
—"I bought myself a parrot. The parrot talked, but it did not say "I’m hungry", so it died.
—I saw a commercial for an above-ground pool. It was 30 seconds long. You know why? Because that’s the maximum amount of time you can depict youself having fun in an above ground pool.
—I hate flossing.
People who smoke cigarettes say, "You don’t know how hard it is to quit smoking."
Yes I do.
It’s as hard as it is to start flossing.